Stampede Hunt
by professor stampede
Summary: An unexperienced yet talented bounty hunter named Doon is in need of money, and, of course, he wants to start from the top: to track down Vash the Stampede. Takes place sometime before the TV series.
1. Chapter 1

I walked into the dusty old building. The thing looked like it was about to fall apart, which was surprising, especially since my view of City Hall had always been pure glamor, with beautiful, shiny white walls with elaborate paintings posted everywhere. But what I got was a dump that almost looked as crappy as home. 

The first person I saw was an old lady dressed in a green dress and had _way_ too much makeup on. She must be the secretary, I decided, so I walked on up to her.

I slammed my fist down on her desk. That way I could fell threatening. It's fun to scare people, and it shapes my image. "I have," I started, and then glared into her eyes, "an appointment," I glared even harder, "with the mayor."

She just stared back at me for a bit, and, without flinching, said "Name."

"Doon," I said.

"Is that your first or your last name?"

"Last. My first name is Howya. Howya Doon?" I laughed out loud, but she continued to stare at me.

"Seriously," she said.

"No, no, no," I replied, still chuckling, "my name is Doon. Just Doon. That's it."

After continuing to stare at me for a little while, the secretary looked back down at her desk, and sorted through her files. After coming up with a single paper out of a folder, she looked back up at me. "Ah, yes, a bounty hunter, right? Hunting Vash the Stampede. And you came just in time, the bounty has been increased to $$6 billion." I nodded, and she pointed back at a door. "The mayor will see you now."

I nodded again, and thanked her. So this was it. I was going to meet the mayor. I took a deep breath, working up courage. Then I put on my tough look again, and walked up to a through the door.

When I walked through, the mayor looked up at me. Once again, I was kinda surprised, as I thought that the mayor would be a noble looking man in a tuxedo. But he looked more like a drunk old fart, and was very loosely dressed. I went up to his desk and slammed my fist on it.

"So," I started, "I'm looking for Vash the Stampede."

"Aren't we all," the mayor replied. "I've had thirteen bounty hunters in search of a license come in this week." He glared at me for a bit. "You aren't very tough-looking for a bounty hunter."

This made me mad. I reached into my coat and ripped out my most prized possession, my Charcoal Ripper model TMP with extra magazine space and semisilencer. "What was that, shitass?"

He smiled and looked down. "You've got quite the gun there. So, tell me, why are you hunting the humanoid typhoon?"

I put the gun back in my coat. "I need the money. I'm a poor man, mayor, and my family is even poorer. My mother just died of starvation last month, and thats when I decided I couldn't waste any more time, and I need money for food."

He glared at the diamond necklace around my neck. "Really..." he said.

I yanked the necklace towards me. "Shut up, it's a family heirloom!" I looked down. "Okay, so I stole it, but I was proved innocent in the trial, and THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!"

He looked back at me. "Well, I guess its okay to give you a license." He handed me a piece of paper. "Here it is, go knock 'em dead."

"Wait, thats it?" I asked, startled.

"Yeah. With the amount of damage...he...has caused, we're willing to take chances if it means taking him down."

I nodded, grabbed the paper, and rushed out of City Hall. On pursuit of Vash the Stampede. 


	2. Chapter 2

I didn't know what to do next. I had heard rumors of a siting just north of town, but that must've been months ago. He could be anywhere now. And even if I did find him, what would I do? That guy destroyed an entire city! 

I was confident in my skills, though. I grew up son of a gunsmith (shut up, I know the pun), shooting everything with my little derringer. Yes, my little derringer, it wasn't much, but my parents let me have it when they got it free with their insurance. I developed quite the reputation, as somebody to be feared. I was nicknamed Sharpshot through my teen years. I'd never killed anyone though. But I was ready to do the worst.

I grew up in the poorest part of town, and the most violent also. It was quite out in the boonies, and the land was cheaper there. Even the local priest, who helped orphaned children, seemed to have some kind of violent secret. A piece of food was worth as much as gold, and water was worth even more. My parents sent me to work everyday, in addition to them. I earned very little pay, but it was enough to slightly support my family, and finally afford the gun I always wanted.

Like I mentioned before, my most valued object was my Charcoal Ripper model TMP with extra magazine space and semisilencer. It has one of the highest bullet speeds and RPM of any technical machine pistol. Its also nice and lightweight, and has little recoil. I sleep with it at night.

"Hey, mister!" a kid yelled, making me look up at him. "Look what you're standing on!"

I hadn't been paying attention. I looked down expecting the worst, but all I saw were sticks and leaves. "What do you mean, kid?" I yelled back.

"Stupid, look out!" he called back. I still didn't know what he was talking about.

Thats when I heard a huge clanging noise, and smelt something awful. Then a whole shitload of, well, shit, fell on top of me. Despirately, I swam to the top of the mound. Once I finally got out, I had to spit out all the poop from my mouth.

A guy jumped out of the truck from which all the crap came out of, stared at me for awhile, and yelled back at his tuck, "Hey, Bill! There's a guy in the fertilizer!"

Yes, my adventure had already started. 


	3. Chapter 3

I must've been walking for hours, and nothing. I had asked around the local residents if they had seen or heard anything about Vash the Stampede, but no luck. I got tired of walking enough that I rented a truck to drive across the rest of town. I knew I couldn't keep this up. I was parched thirsty, hungry, and I had barely enough money for one frickin meal. Sure, I could steal some, but I was too tired. 

Not being able to take it any longer, I hopped out of my truck and ran into the local bar. It was definitely a nicer bar than I was used to, complete with nice leather booths and picture of people who I'm sure are important (but of course I didn't know them). I looked over at the wall opposite the room, and saw a wanted poster for Vash the Stampede. I walked up to it. There was no picture or anything on it, unfortunately, but it did confirm the bounty; $$1,500,000 was crossed out, and below it $$6,000,000 was written.

I sighed and went and sat down in an available booth. I laid back, and yelled at a waitress, "Hey! Waitress! Over here, I'm hungry."

Looking annoyed, she walked up to me. "What?" she said demandingly.

"I'll have a burger and a beer. And make it snappy!" I ordered. 

"God, you smell like shit!" She said. "What's up with that, you been crapping all over yourself?" 

"Just get me the meal, bitch." 

"Alright." 

After waiting for a bit and twiddling my thumbs, a girl walked up to me. She was pretty hot, with long brown hair and quite the amount in the chest area. "Is this seat taken?" she asked me. 

I stared at her for awhile. Usually I scare chicks, but I guess I had nothing to lose this time. "Naw, go ahead and take a seat. I'm not buying you anything, though." 

She took a seat and nodded. "Alright." 

"So what's up?" I asked. I was curious. Did I actually pick up a chick? Wow, a real thing to celebrate. 

She leaned over closer to me and whispered, "Actually, could you pretend to be, like, my boyfriend or something? I'm trying to get back at that pervert in the booth behind you." 

"Oh, alright. Whatever, _honey_." I looked behind me to make sure that 'that pervert' wasn't anyone really tough or anything. I was in luck, he was some spikey-haired dork in a red jacket. "At least its something to do while I pass the time waiting for my damn meal." 

"Alright, how about a kiss?" she asked. 

"How about we wait awhile," I replied. 

"Alright, lets just kinda hang out then, if you're going to be a butt." 

"What are you saying? That I'm a butt just because I don't want to kiss someone I don't know?" 

That pissed her off. Steaming, she left the table without a word. Huh boy. Thats my love life for you. 

"Why the HELL did you sign the check 'Vash the Stampede'?!" a loud voice came from the table behind me. Not surprisingly, it was that bitchy waitress that 'served' me. But what was she talking about? 

"Oh, did I write that?" replied the spikey haired 'pervert' in the booth behind me. "I meant to write 'Billy Jo Katsu WallaWalla Bing Bob'. Thats my _real_ name." 

"God, no," the waitress said. "You really are Vash the Stampede, aren't you?" 

He gave her a funny look. "Kinda sorta!" he said. 

"EVERYBODY, RUN! ITS VASH THE STAMPEDE!" the waitress shouted, and quickly ran out the door. Everybody else was in shock, but they left their food and ran out the door after her. Even the cook ran and jumped over the counter and out the door. In the end, it was only me and him. 

I hopped out of my seat and stared at Vash. "YOU are Vash the Stampede?" I asked, frightened. 

"Well, I don't like to brag..." he started. 

I almost didn't know what to do. Without thinking, I said, "I... must... kill you." Looking back at this scene, I really should have drawn my gun instead of just staring at him, but I was in way too much shock. 

Without getting up, Vash pulled a large six-shot pistol out of his coat and pointed it at me. Smiling, he said, "You know, I'd rather not." 


	4. Chapter 4

I was still in shock. I stared down his gunbarrel, stupified. I still couldn't believe that Vash the Stampede, the legendary gunman, was pointing his gun at _me_. He wasn't flinching, either. He was in full concentration on me, and I knew that if I moved, he'd shoot me. But I didn't have any choice. Damn it, I didn't have any choice! I had to shoot him. So, without thinking, I quickly reached into my coat, pulled out my TMP, and, as quickly as I could, aimed at Vash and pulled the trigger. 

CLANG! As soon as I did that, Vash's gun flew out of his hand, and landed behind him. In absolute shock, Vash looked behind him. "AAAAH!" he screamed like an idiot. "MY GUN!" 

I knew that this was my chance. My one chance to kill him, turn him in, and collect the bounty. I pulled the trigger again, unleashing a barrage of bullets in Vash's direction. To my surprise, Vash ducked under them, and at almost a superhuman speed, ran to the other side of the bar and back, all the way being just ahead of my bullets. 

Then my gun started clicking, and thats when I knew it... I ran out of bullets and didn't hit him once. I quickly searched my coat pocket for extra bullets, but no luck. "Shit!" I yelped. 

Vash stopped running, smiled, and happily said, "Hurray!" Once again, I didn't know what to do next. I was defenseless, but I shot Vash's gun, so I was sure Vash was defenseless as well. Vash hopped over to his gun and picked it up. "Aw!" he cried, with a pout on his face. "The barrel is all screwed up! I bet it won't even shoot straight now!" He aimed it at me, and I gagged, startled. He pulled the trigger. 

I closed my eyes, and got tense, but to my amazement, glass almost to the complete left of me crashed. I looked back up, and smiled, knowing that I now had the advantage. 

Vash slapped the gun a few times. "This will cost a fortune to fix!" He looked up at me. "You did that to it! Would you mind paying the cost to fix it?" 

This was the point where I made him come along with me. "Alright, Vash the Stampede," I started, "come with me." I pulled some rope out of my coat and walked over to him. I started to tie the rope around his wrists, but he pulled away. "Do you want me to kill you instead?" I asked him, threatening. "I've got a knife." I didn't, really, but I wanted to sound more threatening. 

Vash rolled his eyes. "Oh, my god, a knife," he said sarcastically. "Well, I guess I'll come with you, on one condition." 

"No," I said firmly. "Just come, there will be no justice." 

"Well thats not very nice!" He backed up. "All I wanted was one last drink!" 

I got tense, walked up to him, and punched him across the face. He cried in pain, which gave me time to tie up his hands and connect them to one of mine. He put up a fight, but I was able to yank him out of the bar, up to my truck. He screamed and cried all the was there. Some outlaw. 

I pushed him into the back of it, and then got out some more rope. "Hey, you know you can cut off my circulation if you put too much of that on!" Vash whined. Without responding, I started wrapping it around him. "This hurts! Ow ow ow!" Vash kept whining. "Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! If there was a mean society, you'd be the president!" 

I finished tying him up. "You're lucky you're not dead," I murmured. 

"Oh, yeah, your knife could've killed me!" Vash laughed, and kept laughing while I got in the front of my truck. I turned the key, and made sure that the radio was on extra loud so that I couldn't hear his stupid laughing, which lasted for quite a while after. 

And so I drove back into town, with Vash the Stampede in the back of my truck. To collect the $$6 billion. 


	5. Chapter 5

"BWA HAHA! Hee hee-HAHAHA! Wo, ho, hahaha!" 

I couldn't take it any longer. I slammed on the brakes as hard as I could, and the truck came to an abrupt stop, making Vash almost fly off. But he regained his balance, and continued his annoying laughter. I shouted at him, "Shut the hell up! My God, what the shit do you think is so Goddamn funny?! I can't drive with you wailing on like that!" 

Vash stopped his wild laughter, but kept a huge grin on his face. "Okay, meanie," he said. 

A car from stuck up behind me honked it's horn, and I could hear the driver shouting, "Hey, buddy! Move along! You're hogging the road, you know that?" 

I grumbled to myself, "Friggin everybody thinking I'm some sort of idiot..." I started the car up again, not even thinking to shout any obscenities back at the driver; I was too tired. 

After driving for a few more minutes, a huge snorting noise came from the back of the truck. Glancing back, I noticed that it was none other than Vash the Stampede snoring. It bothered the hell out of me, but I was able to tolerate it until he rolled over and made an even louder noise. Slamming on the brakes again, I ripped my handlebar towards me, and kicked the truck's door open as hard as I could. Furious, I stormed up to Vash, and slapped him upside the head. He slowly turned to look back at me, and sleepily said, "What? Are we there yet?" 

"No we're not!" I screamed in his ear. "And we're not about to get there anytime soon with you bothering me like that!" Vash returned this with a puzzled look. Once again, the guy behind me shouted at me. 

I tried my best to calm down. "Look, if you're going to sleep, do it quietly. I don't care how, but as long you keep quiet, then I won't kill you. I've still got that knife, keep in mind." Vash grinned very largely at that last comment, and, as hard as he obviously tried not to, let out a few chuckles. 

This time, the guy in the car behind me hopped out of his car and ran up to me. He was a short, pudgy, grumpy-looking fellow. "Why do you keep stopping? Other people have places to go, too, you know." I stared at him menacingly. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get a move on!" 

Without replying, I just punched him in the face as hard as I could. Blood flew from his nose, and he fell over backward, unconscious. I stuck my foot in his face and twisted it around. 

For the first time I'd ever seen him do so, Vash gave me a very serious glare. "What did you do that for?" he cried. "I'll excuse off your cruelty to me, but that was just mean!" 

I screamed. "Alright, we're setting up camp!" I declared. 

"Where?" asked Vash, still glaring seriously. 

"In the damned truck," I replied. I hopped back into the truck, and drove it to the side of the road. 

I made a nice bed out of the to seats in the truck for myself, when I was about to doze off, I heard Vash whine, "Hey, Mr. Man! I can't sleep like this! It's too uncomfortable!" 

"My name is Doon," I said, annoyed, "and why are you so damn uncomfortable now, you stupid bastard? You went right to sleep when we were riding." 

"Oh, I did?" Vash giggled. "I didn't know that I did! That's funny! Have you ever gone to sleep in the back of a truck and not known it? That happens to me all the time!" 

Once again, I could take it no longer. I got up out of the truck, walked over to Vash, untied the ropes off of his ankles, and tied that rope around his mouth so he couldn't talk. Sure, he squirmed, but I was able to put it on him in the end. 

Vash tried his hardest to talk even with the rope in his mouth, but he couldn't. So, instead, he hummed a strange song until he fell asleep. Of course, I could've gone and strangled him to stop humming, but it was actually a somewhat soothing song, and it brought me to sleep, with no disturbances for the rest of the night. Except, of course, for that angry car driver who I had knocked out earlier waking up and trying to kill me, but I simply knocked him out again and went back to sleep. 

To be continued. 


End file.
